This is a great question to tackle, especially the week after Valentines Day. One of the challenges of addressing questions such as these is that there is not a passage in scripture that gives us a clear answer. Therefore, I think we need to reshape the question asking what is best for the grand story of my entire life rather than my momentary wants and desires.
Here is some other ways to look at the same question:
1) Does Dating glorify God?
2) What are the benefits and the temptations involved with dating?
3) If Nick and Kassie Roland can date in high school and get married…can’t it happen to me too?
Lets answer some of these…
Does dating glorify God? I think it can and it should. What I do know is that God called man and woman to be together in marriage. Therefore, we are going to be attracted to the opposite gender. I feel as though all things on earth can bring glory to God. In the same sense though, all things can steer us away from the Lord. I can play soccer to the glory of God. I can also let soccer become an idol, pulling my time, attention, and ultimately worship, away from the Lord and onto it. This same temptation of creating an idol can happen regarding dating. Dating can consume us so much that the Lord takes a distant second place. When this happens, as it often does, we steal God’s glory.
What are the benefits and the temptations involved with dating? If you were to put these two on a scale, I feel the temptations massively outweigh the benefits of teenage dating. Why? When I think through the potential benefits, the list includes: Fun, hang out, communication, companionship, preparation for marriage (churchy answer) and more. The issue with these is, everyone of these things can happen while in a group and without “dating somebody” which is where temptation often comes into play. Within our culture, dating alludes to privileges. Privileges such as intimacy, affection, and 1 on 1 time, are often the very things that get us into trouble. They are the things that we want, yet often lead to mistakes we later regret. As believers, we often draw lines of “how far is too far” but then tiptoe right up to the edge of that line. More often than not, our flesh is going to overpower our recently drawn line and we are going to fall into the heavy emotions of the moment. Result: our temptations just did a roundhouse kick to anything we once defined as “benefits”.
If Nick and Kassie Roland can date in high school and get married…can’t it happen to me too? Of course it can…it just rarely does. In fact, more often than not, I think dating prepares us more for divorce than it does marriage. We date somebody until we become disinterested, sick of them, or they do something that offends us. In this case…the answer is obvious: DUMP THEM. This molds our instincts that once we are tired of a person, we can just move onto the next. When and how does this get us ready for marriage? Nick and Kassie dated each other for 4 years, all the while saving themselves in purity for WHOEVER they would have married. It was just extra bonus that they were saving themselves for each other. I do think they are a great example of dating that worked, but they will tell you there were many bumps along the way that came from dating so young. NOTE: I have been in youth ministry for over 10 years and they are the only couple I have ever seen that has this story.
REALITY: there is a good chance the person your dating in Junior Hi or High School is not going to be the person you marry.
So…where do I go from here?
My opinion (which remember because it is not officially in the Bible, will remain an opinion) is that you can have very good, very deep relationship that prepares you for marriage, while not having the official title of “dating”. Why this? I think to often as soon as students become a pair, their “dating privileges” find a way of burying the moral and spiritual lines they have drawn. If your truest desire is to guard your heart and body, it is wise to avoid situations that could be cause temptation. So, hang out in groups…have a blast doing it. Don’t freak out about being attracted to somebody…we are designed to work like that! Use these opportunities however to develop your sense of boundaries, your skills of question asking, and your discipline of pure living.
~Deep thoughts by a Shallow guy~
mn
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